What I have to Report

I don't have much to report.

I am thinking about many things. I spend a lot of time staring into space thoughts ruminating in my head. Sadly, I'm not kidding.

I think I'm leaving teaching for now, at least in the sense of being tied down to a contract. Subbing, on the other hand, is a wonderful way to make money.

I have finally come to the conclusion that I can either be an actress or a teacher, but it doesn't work to be both. And even though this year I am on a 50% contract, fifty percent in teaching might as well be full time. It's just as much work, if not more. The only difference is that I have 2 to 3 whole days off a week. And what do I do on a lot of those days? GRADE!

So this is it.

I can now officially be a starving actress.
....except without the waitressing and the cigarattes, and I'm not really starving.

Please vote for your favorite headshot....

BUT do it quickly because I have to choose soon. I'm in the process of getting a new commercial agent, and although I realize these pictures are extremely similar, there are some differences. With a commercial shot, you're looking for a good smile, warmth, friendliness, personality, and ENERGY. So pick which one you think has it all. They will be touched up, so don't be distracted by wisps of hair and distractions like that.

Seattle

A few weeks ago, I went to visit my good friend Lauren in Seattle. She's lived there three years and this is the first time I've visited. I'm a bad friend, so I make up for it by publishing the events of our trip on my blog. We had a great time. I loved going to the fish market to watch them throw the fish around. We took a ferry out to Bainbridge Island and had delicious fish and chips. We also saw a play at the Seattle Rep Theater where Lauren is on the junior board. I enjoyed having some time to relax and read. I read almost three whole books in the five days I was gone. I recommend Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott to all. It was a terrific read. I still hate flying. Hate it. My palms were sweaty most of the trip there and back.

A little dialogue

Sometimes I dread parties. I am social. I thrive when I connect in a group and find meaningful dialogue with others. So why would someone like me dread parties? Because of one inevitable question.
“Are you dating anyone?”
It can also be phrased as, “Anyone special in your life?” and “Who’s the next roommate getting married?”
So there I am with my plate of food, perfectly content in a roomful of friends, some old and some new, finding a place to sit. I find a comfortable sofa, take a bite and the person next to me asks my favorite four words.
After chewing slowly, swallowing, biding my time, finally I answer, “No, not right now.” I always make this face too. I kind of squint my eyes as I shake my head. I don’t know if I’m trying to show that I don’t care, or to brush it off as something that never bothers me. Most likely it’s because I want to cover up any embarrassment or awkwardness I may feel at being thirty and single. Honestly, the old friends who ask me these questions are ususally younger then me, married, and on their second kid. AND they KNOW that I want to get married and have five kids.
Now comes the best part. Let’s review the dialogue so far:
“Are you dating anyone?” says the friend.
“No, not right now..” I answer while making the strange squinting face.
Then the friend usually says..Wait for it...
“You’ll find someone.”
or
“Why not?”
or
“When you’re ready you’ll meet him.”

Let me make a statement regarding repsonse number three. Who said I’m not ready? What twenty-one year old senior in college is TRULY ready to be a wife. I honestly doubt all those girls I went to Biola with found contentment and fulfillment in their identity in Christ alone before they got married. Seriously. Also, where exactly does is say in the Bible or the worldwide book of dating that you have to be “READY?” If there is a list somewhere of what it takes to be considered “ready,” let me have it and I’ll complete every item.

The second question, “Why not?” is also perplexing. Why not? Because I can’t produce quality men who I find attractive and who are attracted to me out of thin air. My science lab is not functioning and I can’t get my perfect mate formula to solidify into a human man. I should start saying this to people.

The first statement is what people usually say. "You'll find someone." They don't mean any harm. They really don’t, and many of them probably wouldn’t imagine that I am insecure about being single or think that there is anything to be embarrassed about. I'm only insecure about being single in the hours before these social encounters and in the hours after these social encounters. I understand why they ask. It's a perfectly natural question to ask someone you haven't seen in a while.
The problem is that they don’t live inside the heart and mind of Kristin. I’m normal. I have insecurities. I’m confident in many areas and not confident in some. BUT saying, “You’ll find someone,” almost implies that I’m incomplete as I am.

I don’t think it’s ridiculous for someone to merely ask if I’m dating anyone. It’s not mean. I just get tired of it sometimes. I get tired of anticipating it. Perhaps that face I make when asked the question is really a wince. It’s like ripping off a band-aid.
I did have someone come up to me once and say, “Are you married yet?” When I said no, she did this whole oohing and ahhing about how I’d find someone eventually, about God’s timing and the “right” one.
You know what I wanted to do? I wanted to reverse the clock and come up to her and say the following:
“Are you still married?” When she said yes, I would then do the oohing and ahhing about how God used her so much better as single person, and “Don’t worry, you’ll be single soon. It’s all in God’s timing.”

I really don’t mean for this to come off as bitter and mean. I hope it doesn’t. I’m merely trying to point out that as a single woman, now thirty years old, I face this question a lot. A lot. It’s been a decade.

I do want to get married. I wish I could answer yes sometimes, and I have dated people in the last decade. It’s just that I have not found the ONE I’ll marry.

Being single does not make me part of an alien species from a distant and unknown planet.
But it feels that way sometimes.

How NOT to invite people to an Easter Service

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZCosWICNeI

I don't know how to make it so you can click on it, or so the video is right here for you. Sorry I'm an actress not a tech-nerd.

This is the link to a fun video I got to be in for church. My church is called Rock Harbor. It's in Costa Mesa. I love it. And I'm blessed to be on our arts/drama team.
And we don't do cheesy, lame church dramas.

I just have a small part in the video, but it's the only on camera stuff I've done in awhile. It was fun.

mistakes

Mistakes, by Kristin
Chapter 1

I am not perfect. I realize this a lot actually.
On Friday I messed up a math problem on the board in front of my fourth graders and they started to chide me, AND there was giggling. So I turned around and promptly said, "I make mistakes! Have I ever claimed to be perfect?" They shook their heads. "Have I made mistakes on the board before?" They nodded.
"So why do you need to point that out to me?" Now they were quiet, because I was kind of yelling. Well...I was yelling.
I continued. "When you miss four words on a spelling test, do I bring it to school and hold it up in front of the entire class and shout 'YOU MISSED FOUR WORDS!' Do I, do I??" They shook their heads again. "Then stop pointing out my mistakes because it's rude and disrespectful." Now of course there was some humor involved in my rant, and they laughed a little and understood my point, BUT it made me think.

1. I let a bunch of little nine year olds get to me. I hate it when that happens. I jump down to their level because I'm a reactionary and extremely dramatic.

2. What kind of world do we live in when children think it's okay to laugh at adults and point out their mistakes because that's what kids do on stupid disney channel sitcoms for a laugh? I really do worry for our future sometimes. Seriously.

I'll leave you with that and let's now move on to Chapter Two of Mistakes, by Kristin.

So a long time ago, in the nineties, I had some friends from college. Many of you know college wasn't my favorite time in life, except for my summers at FR of course, but I did have a group of close friends that stuck with me into my early twenties. At times these friendships were tough, strained, broken, unhealthy. And finally, I had to walk away.
And that made me feel guilty, because I'm fiercely loyal, like a retriever.
I still wonder if I handled things well, if I was responsible for bringing pain, if I failed as a friend.
I know I made mistakes in the end.
But ending those frienships at the time was like cutting off my right arm.
Here are my final thoughts.

1. I make mistakes, even in friendships which is an area of my life I feel like I'm kind of good at.

2. I'm a spy of myspace and websites. I see their pictures and posts and still-existing friendships and a part of me hurts. I wonder and wonder what could have been different, IF things could have been different.

5 Signs An Agent Is Not A Good Fit For You

1. The office smells like cigaratte smoke and all you can think about is how your shiny, clean hair is now going to stink. The office has troll dolls gracing it's shelves and framed newspaper clippings from 1984.

2. The agent never actually calls you by your name. Instead, she refers to you as "sweetie," and "honey."

3. During the meeing she doesn't tell you one thing about the protocol of her office or her process as an agent.

4. The side (script) she has you audition with is from the dark ages and was most likely originally typed out on a manual typewriter.

5. She merely says, "Well, let us know if you want to sign with us.." to signal the end of the meeting. Doesn't go over the contract with you.

No thanks, I think I'll stick with the agent I have right now. She makes him look like the head of the William Morris Agency (an agency that only represents A list actors).
It's good practice for me though.
I have found walking into offices with low expectations, surprisingly gives me more confidence and keeps me from becoming desperate, which is the BIGGEST sin as an actor.